God was I Drunk
by mistygurl
Summary: What happens when Fred and George instate a party that goes wild? Snape does the Calypso and McGonagall, well... Future R/H pairing. It will be three parts, first one up.
1. Trouble Brewing

God Was I Drunk

This story starts in a particularly nasty day in potions in Harry's 5th year.

Ron: Why is it always _Harry's_ 5th year??

Narrator: Okay, _Ron's_ 5th year. Sheesh.

Ron: Never mind you're right, Harry is the main character and with a title like that…Well let's just leave it Harry.

Narrator: Whatever, as I was saying in this particularly nasty day in potions Harry, Ron, and Hermione were working on an Inebritus, draught potion, that was rather advanced for them. 

Hermione: Professor, is it suppose to fume like this?

Ron: It's making me slightly nauseous

Snape: ( Deep Roller: In his very sexy voice! (Mistygurl.. Down Deep Roller…)) How many times have I told you to watch how mush wormwood you put in it. It must be exactly 8% of the total content weight! Not an ounce more! 

Hermione: Ron you told me you checked the weight!

Ron: I did!

Hermione: Obviously you didn't!

Harry: It's okay, we just have to even it out by adding a bit more haring breadth.

Hermione: You're right Harry. Ron, this time just give me the scale.

Ron: Fine! You can have it!!

Narrator: At the end of lesson, Snape made each group bottle their potion to be tested the next day in class. Everyone then proceeded to their common rooms. Harry, Ron and Hermione made their way up the Gryffindor Tower when they bumped into a pair of extremely busy twins.

Fred: Kindly step out of the way, party planners on official business.

Ron: What official business?

George: Oh nothing of importance to you.

Harry: Did I hear the word party?

Fred: Correct, young wise warrior. The party is in the planning. And somewhere along the line we got wind that there's an Inebritus potion on the brew. D'you know how cool that stuff is? It makes for one wicked party!

George: We're all out, but you could kindly donate some, dear brother. (Smiles benignly at Ron)

Ron: Oh no WAY! I need this stuff for my grade! If I don't have it, I'll see my head mounted on Snape's wall yet.

George: Very well, he is in violation of Code Four.

Hermione: What in the world is Code Four??

Fred: Code Four (clears throat importantly) is the sacred party code. It states that all persons with access and capability to assist in a more enhanced party experience should selflessly donate whatever they have to spare. For such an experience.

George: Meaning you give us that potion or we beat it out of you.

Fred: We ARE Beaters, dear brother. It's what we do best. (Another benign smile)

Hermione: But that potion is just unsafe, it gets everyone nuts and crazy and…(trails off as she sees this has no dent whatsoever in the twin's intentions.)

Harry: Besides, we do need it for testing. Maybe you can con Neville out of his.

George: (snorts) Right, if we want to end up in Siberia, we'll use one of Neville's draughts. I want to stay here, thanks.

Hermione: Well, boys, we must be going!

Fred:  Well, we should just let them frolic off. Perhaps we can do without the potion.

George: But Freeeed! (whines) Code Fouuuurr.

Fred: (watches the Gang leave and puts a restraining hand on George) Patience, my party animal, patience. I have just the scheme to fully comply with code four. Just you wait! (They scurry off down the corridor.)

Harry: Hermione I think you should keep hold of the Draught. I know those two are up to something.

Ron: (Rolls eyes) Of course, when are they not?

Hermione: Well I have one thing to say…

Ron: That's a first.

Hermione: (scowls at Ron) Hmph, well at any rate we should watch what we're doing today.

Harry: Do any of you know what the party is for? (Ron and Hermione shakes their heads "No".)

Ron: They would use any excuse to throw one, you know them.

Hermione: Well, let just go on about our business. Whatever they're planning we're best kept out of it.

Ron: I'm starved, let's go get lunch.

Hermione: Do you ever think of anything besides your stomach?

Ron: (Looks thoughtful for a second) Yeah, chess.

Hermione: (rolls eyes and sighs) I should have known.

Ron: So you didn't know?

Harry: Ron, stop baiting Hermione.

Ron: (smiles) Me, baiting, I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing to Hermione.

Harry: Yeah right…Let's go eat.

Narrator: So they all went to-

Neville: Wait! Wait! I'm late for lunch! I had (pants heavily) detention.

Narrator: Again? Well, you can just further the plot then. As punishment for your tardiness.

Neville: I'm scared now…

Narrator: Oh, stop being such a wimp. My teacher does it to me all the time. (clears throat and continues in Narrator voice) So Neville was late, and as he was leaving the common room, who should pop in but…

Fred: Neville!

George: So good of you to stay and chat!

Neville: Why?! (looks up at ceiling)

Fred: Poor dear boy, doesn't know what he's saying. (sounds remarkably like Lockhart, no?)

George: Neville, we need a favor of you. 

Fred: Strictly educational, you know. 

Neville: (mutters) Right.

George: Do you happen to know where exactly you put your Inebritus  potion?

Fred: (mutters) Any port in a storm. (Louder)Yes, it would be most helpful.

Neville: My…you want _my_ Inebritus potion? 

George: Well, who else's would do? We know you happen to be the most adept student in Snape's class. (elbows Fred heartily to keep the laughter down)

Neville: Well…when you put it that way…( Runs to his dorm )

Fred: George? What are you thinking??

George: Flattery will get you everywhere. Besides, the mishaps in Neville's draught (and we KNOW there are some) will make things more….interesting.

Fred: I hope so. I don't want everyone to end up blue or upside down or something.

George: Or in Siberia.

Fred: Yeah, that too. Well, to put a finer point on it, I don't want any of those things to happen to _me._ They're funny if they happen to others, however.

Neville: (emerging from his dorm holding a vile smelling vial of brownish green….gloop) Here guys! Just remember, I need it back in the morning, okay?

Fred: But we won't have it in the- (is elbowed by George once more)

George: Sure thing!

Narrator: So everyone was….sort of happy. Fred and George left the common room with the vial, headed for the kitchens, and Neville dashed to the Great Hall with no further thought for anything, except ham. He liked ham. 

Fred: Look at all the house elves!

  
George: Like we've never been  here before. Now, let's find the fruit punch.

Fred: Too right. Easy as pie. (snaps his fingers )

House Elf: What be it sir? Oh coming sir! Yes yes! (lots of little groveling squeaks)

Fred: Where's the punch? We need it, please.

House Elf: Right here sir! Right over here! Take the whole jug, we can make more! Lots more!

George: Thanks so much. Maybe two might…(another jug held by an elf with an idiot grin suddenly appears at his elbow.) Right.

Fred: Just tip and pour, my good sir! (dips the vial into the punch) How about that, it blends in! I can't even smell it anymore!

George: I think you used the whole vial, so we'll just take this pitcher back to-

McGonagall: ( Like the Shadow of Doom) WHAT in the world is going on here?

Fred: Kitchen inspectors, m'am. They look tip top to me!

McGonagall: Mr. Weasley, I suggest that you and your brother make a beeline for your respective table. Before I lose my temper and get you both in real trouble. 

George: Of course! Right after I get the punch. (looks for the punch, but now can't tell the pitchers apart)

McGonagall: NOW Mr. Weasley! 

Fred: (tries to reach for the punch but the elves have already carried it away) Noooo!

George: Come, my friend. It can't be undone now. (sorrowful) We can always try again. (they march mournfully back into the Great Hall, McGonagall trooping behind them)

Ron: (looks up from his food) Uh oh, McGonagall is marching my brothers out of the kitchens.

Harry: Maybe it's not what it looks like.

Hermione: When Fred and George are accompanied by a teacher, a parent, or a police officer, it is _always _what it looks like.

Ron: Hey! Only I can pick on my brothers.

Harry: She has a point, Ron.

Ron: I know, but it's the principle of the thing.

Narrator: As we can see trouble has begun a chain. What will happen? Who is going to be the sucker who must drink that punch? Will Neville EVER get his ham?

Neville: But I did get my ham! See? (holds out his ham sandwich)

Narrator: (Glares with voice) Spoil sport. (Resumes Narrator voice) What will become of the party? What will happen to everyone?? The suspense is enough to drive one mad! MAD!!

Neville: Not really.

Narrator: Alright, that's it, what have I told you about…? (scuffling can be heard as Neville runs from the Narrator)

A/N: Hi there!!! This is the first fanfic my friend Erika A.K.A Deep Roller and I have co-authored. Well….not really the first but the first one we have actually posted. More will be out soon! ( Of course of course. Corn!) Erika, stop doing that! (Doing what?) The parentheses… (But they're so cool! And so is Snape. D'you know where he went?? ) No, and I don't care. (Snapey! Snapey!!) **~**rolls eyes~ Bye and please review or be eaten by Lecter. ^_^


	2. It begins

Chapter two: It Begins  
  
A/N Alo! Please forgive us for writing this story we had nothing else to put our sugar rush into. (Lucky Charms!!! YUM!) "I want pants." Is my favorite quote from Pokemon 2000 which I just watched for the twelfth time. Thanx for being brave enough to read... and hopefully review. ~winks~   
  
Erika's A/N: Heyyyyy...Why are we talking about Pokemon? This story is about Harry Potter. Well, sorta. I love Snape, I love Snape, I love Snape. There will be a quiz on the loves of my life after the break. (Autumn interrupts... I think not.) What are you talking about? You're the one who saves her marshmallows and eats the oats!! (hey I eat the marshmallows later!) Anyway, review or I will be forced to seal your mouth with duct tape and throw you off the Niblick Bridge. Umm...there's no water, but that's beside the point. Let's begin...  
  
Disclaimer: If they were ours, Oliver Wood and Snape wouldn't have a prayer...  
(Oh yeah!)  
  
  
  
Narrator: When we last left our heroes they were...  
  
Ron: Who exactly are the heroes in this story? Am I one?  
  
Narrator: No.  
  
Ron: Oh. Damn.  
  
Narrator: Anyway, when we last left our heroes, they were contemplating their fate. Or, at least the twins were. So, in all good sport, and like the true friends that they were, they decided to unload their problems on Harry...  
  
  
Fred: Harry! Glad we caught you. Listen, can we talk to you for a moment?  
  
Harry: I'm kind of busy, I have homework to do.  
  
George: Did you ever notice, Harry, that whenever someone tries to tell you something you always have homework to do?  
  
Fred: (wipes away a tear) Yeah. It hurts. (leans on George)  
  
Harry: (rolls eyes) Okay, guys, what? What is the matter?  
  
Fred & George: (in a totally fast gabble) Wellwecouldn'tgetyourpotionsowegotNeville'sandmadearealmessin thekitchensbecausetheelvestook itandtheymixeditallupandnowthey'regonnaserve it to everyone!!  
  
Harry: (blinks) Slower, please! I don't think I caught that.  
  
Fred: (really, really slowly) Well since we couldn't get your potion, we got Neville's. And we made a real mess in the kitchen because the elves took the punch and mixed it all up.  
  
George: And now they're gonna serve it to everyone. And McGonagal busted us.  
  
Fred: Honestly, I hate it when people need things spelled out for them.  
  
George: Too true, too true.  
  
Harry: Whoah, wait a minute! The Inebritus potion? You guys used NEVILLE'S??!  
  
Fred: (exasperated) What have we been saying all along?  
  
George: (mutters to Fred) I bet the next words out of his mouth are...I gotta tell the others.  
  
Harry: I should tell the others.  
  
George: HA! (smiles when Harry looks at him) Carry on.  
  
Harry: (raises eyebrow) O-kay, I bet Hermione will know what to do.  
  
Fred: We knew we could count on you Harry old chum.  
  
George: (winks) Sure did.  
  
Narrator: The group moved over to where Hermione was being beat, once again, by Ron at chess.  
  
Hermione: I thought it would work.  
  
Ron: See thinking is not always the best thing to do.  
  
Harry: Guys, the twins have got something to say. (Fred and George look at each other then at Harry)  
  
Fred: It wasn't us who said...  
  
George: (coping Harry's voice) We should tell the others.  
  
Fred: Yep, so you should tell the others.  
  
Hermione: What's this all about ?  
  
George: Obvously we haven't gotten to it yet.  
  
Fred: (rolls his eyes)   
  
Harry: Fred and George stole Neville's Inebritus potion. They took into the kitchens and put into the punch which has been put it with the rest.   
  
Fred: So, what do you think we should do?  
  
Ron: Hide  
  
George: Why don't we get drunk and have a spanking good time?  
  
Hermione: This is a PG fic. Anyways it can make you well, crazy.  
  
Ron: And this is Neville's potion were talking about.  
  
Harry: Yeah, who knows what it'll do.  
  
Ron: Whatever it is I can guarantee it will be wrong.  
  
George: So, what's the problem?  
  
(Group all stares at George as if it obvious)  
  
Fred: Well it does sound interesting.  
  
George: Sounds like a party to me.  
  
(trio groans)  
  
Fred: No more planning necessary. In fact, why are we even telling you in the first place? (whispers to George) Memory charm, I'd love to see them all stone drunk and doing the limbo.  
  
George: We'll have the authors change the rating appropriately.  
  
Fred: (does the Memory charm because I don't want to spell it out)  
  
Harry: What's...oh, hi Fred! Hi George!  
  
George: (grins) Harry my boy! Isn't it about dinner time?  
  
Hermione: Yeah, I guess it is. Boy, time sure flew while we were talking.  
  
Narrator: Actually, that's just because readers want the plot, you know. Anyway, it is indeed dinner time, and the Great Hall fills once again with hungry young students and (sexy!!!!) Snape. (Oh pleeze Erika)  
  
  
House Elf # 34: Have some punch sir? Is red, best color for punch! Punch!  
  
House Elf# 107: It smells fruity, here's a glass.  
  
Fred: Who let the elves out?  
  
George: Who? Who? Who who?  
  
Hermione: Oh shut it guys. (takes a sip of punch) Wow, that stuff's a bit tingly.  
  
George: (watches everyone drinking their punch and turns down a glass himself) How long, would you say, does it take for this stuff to work?  
  
Fred: Well, I'm not sure, really.  
  
(Suddenly a house elf goes streaking through the Great Hall, and we mean STREAKING) House Elf#78: I can seeeeee the music!! WHOOOO! Ahahahahahahaha! I am the Squeege KING!  
  
Fred: Does that answer your question?  
  
George: I didn't think elves drank the punch.  
  
Fred: Well, that was a naughty elf.  
  
George: (watches the elf doing cartwheels on the Ravenclaw table) A VERY naughty elf.  
  
Ravenclaw student # 2: Hey! That looks like fun!  
  
Fred: It's working, alright, they're all going nuts.  
  
Narrator: Yes, indeed they were. And Fred and George watched in delight as one by one, students and teachers began to lose their inhibitions, and go crazy. Crazy, of course, being a relative term.  
  
McGonagall: Let's all just par-te! Limbo! Limbo!  
  
Everyone else: Limbo! Limbo!  
  
Dumbledore: Has anyone seen the punch? It's great! Whooo!  
  
Ron: (to Hermione) You're kinda cute, you know?  
  
Hermione: You can't prove I did nothin'!  
  
Harry: (runs and gets his broomstick and begins flying around the Hall)  
  
McGonagall: Catch the birdy! Catch the birdy! (begins throwing cups and forks at Harry)  
  
Draco: I want a pony! I want a pony!  
  
(Pretty soon a conga line gets going, and everyone joins)  
  
Fred: Err....this is starting to disturb me, heavily.  
  
George: Why? It's great!  
  
Fred: For one thing, my brother's hitting on Hermione, for another thing, Snape's getting down with his bad self. (Whoo yeah baby!)  
  
George: Yes, umm..definitely bad.  
  
Ron: C'mon, gimme a kiss.  
  
Hermione: (hides behind Neville, who is sleeping)  
  
Ron: (kisses Neville) Aughh!  
  
Neville: Aughhh!!!  
  
Fred and George: AUGHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
McGonagall: Birdy! Birdy!  
  
Harry: Divebomb! Kamikaze!! (dives straight into the punch bowl and gets absolutely soaked.  
  
Snape: Yeeehah!!!  
  
  
Hagrid: (who is just entering the Great Hall with Fang) What 'n hell is goin' on here?  
  
McGonagall: (drapes an arm around Hagrid's...umm...leg) C'mon Ruby, it's a party! Have some punch! (spills punch on Hagrid, which Fang promptly licks up)  
  
Hagrid: (watches the conga line go by, followed by Snape and Dumbledore doing the Calypso) Why do I think of Fred and George when I see this?  
  
Fred: Good of you to come, Hagrid.  
  
George: Bother you didn't write first, but I'm sure we have enough room for you.  
  
McGonagall: (jumps into Hagrid's arms) I'm yours, big boy.  
  
Fred: (covers his eyes and screams)  
  
George: That is WAY too disturbing....(watches Snape doing the Calypso) Okay, I take it back. THAT is way too disturbing.  
  
Ron: Baby, you're so stuck up.  
  
Hermione: (shrieks and joins the conga line)  
  
Ron: Oh, a feisty little tiger, are ya? (stumbles after her but bumps into Fang) Oh, heya Remus! Wanna dance?  
  
Fang: Rowf?  
  
Ron: Cool! (begins dancing with Fang)  
  
Cut to: Voldemort's lair...Voldemort and Wormtail are playing cards.  
  
Voldemort: Speed.  
  
Return to...The Party.  
  
Harry: (soaked in punch and chasing after Pansy) Give us a hug!  
  
Draco: Weasel, Potty, ummm, I can't think of anymore bad names Granger.... Lets all play.... STRIP POKER! (sings) Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me. (Jumps on Justin Finch-Finnley back) Hey, pony go!  
(Justin trots around with Draco on his back)  
  
Draco: Weeeeeeeeeee!  
  
Ginny: I wanna turn! I wanna turn! (pushes Draco Off) Ha ha!  
  
Draco: (Bawls) I want my pony back!   
  
Crabbe: (does the worm across the floor trips Snape who falls into lavander's lap.  
  
Lavander: Good kitty! (pets Snape's head)  
  
Snape: Meow!  
  
George: I wish I had a camera!!  
  
Fred: Ahh, what are we going to do? What if they are stuck like that?  
  
George: Lets hope it wears off.  
  
Hagrid: (Booming Voice) What did you two do this time? (Magonagall still haging on his jacket.  
  
Ron: Hermione! Where are you!  
  
Hermione: (Giggles) Here silly! (Jumps into his arms) I love you!!! (Gives him a big kiss)  
  
Ron: (Dazed) Now that's what I'M talking about.  
  
Fred: Too bad they won't have remembered what they did. (looking at Ron and Hemione)  
  
George: That is probably better for others... (looks at McGonagall)  
  
Hagrid: This is too strange... I going to get me a drink at the Leaky Cauldron, there being drunk is a bit more normal.  
  
Fred: Suit yourself  
  
George: Can ya take McGonagall with you?  
  
Fred: I think she wants to come!  
  
McGonagall: (still is holding on to Hagrid) Take me with you! Anywhere! Anywhere you want to go!  
  
Hagrid: (sets her down on a chair) You need a nap, sister. (leaves, taking Fang with him)  
  
Ron: (grins) Whoo, baby! Oh yeah. (waggles his eyebrows at Hermione) Let's dance, sweet thing! (begins swing dancing with Hermione)  
  
Snape: Oh! They're playing my song! (gets up and starts dancing with himself) (Erika: Eats Lavender for touching her Snapey)  
  
Fred: Morning is a long way away.  
  
George: Too long, if you ask me.  
  
Narrator: And so we leave them for now, drunk, dancing, and lost in revelry. Is this the final end for Hogwarts? Will the students and teachers be lost in the depths of drunken fun? Will Wormtail beat the Dark Lord at cards?  
  
Voldie: Not if he wants to live to the next chapter.  
  
Erika: Snapey my love! Dance with me!  
  
Snape: Sure, why not. (starts dancing)  
  
Autumn: Why is Oliver Wood a graduate? Why?  
  
Neville: Why was I asleep half the time? And why did Ron kiss me?  
  
Narrator: (locks them all in a closet and eats the key. You can hear the noises.)  
  
A/N: Erika-That was a good long, wrong chapter. I hope you had as much fun reading it as we did typing it. If you're mind has been at all in the gutter for the past few pages, we're terribly sorry, because ours were too. (grins and returns to the closet) Oooh, baby!  
  
Autumn- Umm.. Excuse Erika she has her problems but is generally well, close to normal. I hope you review and will read the next chapter. (grumbles) I wish Oliver hadn't left yet!!! Well he might make a return visit the next chapter. (Laughs Evilly)  
  
Ta ta for now! Pinapples to you all. ~_^ 


End file.
